It's Alright... I Guess

Yesterday, Ashley Tisdale performed her new single "It's Alright, It's Okay" off her upcoming "edgy rock album" (the news guy's words, certainly not mine), on Good Morning America. The performance offered a fleeting glimpse of what will hopefully be a fleeting phase in her musical career.

The first thing you notice about Ashley Tisdale these days is "Whoa, her hair is brown." While fashion magazines can pore over whether or not this means brunette is yet again the new blond, the most striking thing about Ashley's new locks is that, from a distance, she is now a dead ringer for that other Ashley you thought disappeared years ago, Ashlee Simpson.

Ashley T. seems to be fully embracing the Ashlee S. look, complete with the "Pieces of Me"-era lackluster dance moves. Really, Ashleys, you can't just shake your shoulders willy-nilly. Shake 'em like you mean it, like you really want to thrust your... shoulders... into the camera's personal space. But I guess Ashley T. is still too good a Disney girl for that kind of popstar dancing.

Ashley has delegated all responsibility for destroying that good-girl image to her legs, which are fully embracing their new duty. Sure, she's worn booty shorts before, most notably in the "Be Good to Me" video, which I saw three times in one night while babysitting a four year-old Hannah Montana fanatic. I was torn between my desire to cover her eyes, turn off the TV, and/or spontaneously offer up some ice cream to distract her and my desire to make sure I was actually seeing Ashley Tisdale. In booty shorts. On Disney Channel.

My eyes did not deceive me then, not, unfortunately, did they deceive me yesterday when Ashley wore DIY booty shorts apparently made by hacking off the entire legs of an innocent pair of jeans. In case Ashely's quarter-inch inseam was not eye-catching enough already, a white thing peeked out form each pantleg. Were they handkerchiefs? Were her shorts deemed so inappropriate that the producers demanded she wear white spandex underneath? Did she need Icy Hot patches from all the rigorous lackluster-dance workouts? No, it turned out these white fabric flaps covering her upper thighs were her pockets, which had been somehow spared during the butchering of the rest of her jeans. If only they had been cut off and our fashion sensibility had been spared instead.

Note to the world: cutoffs with the pockets hanging out below the hem line are neither alright nor okay.

And that brings us to the song itself. In another apparent attempt to be Ashlee Simpson, "It's Alright, It's Okay" is a piece of crazy catchy pop-punk that's almost saccharine enough to give you a toothache. The lyrics are far from profound, making it the identical cousin of every other semi-former Disney girl breakout attempt that has been released in the past five years. Its thrashing guitars during the chorus are pleasant enough, but halfway through the chorus, you expect it to turn into "So What" by Pink.

It's alright, okay
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry...
So, so what, I am a rock star
I got my rock moves and I don't want you tonight

Every time, I expect her to start singing "So What," and every time she disappoints me.

I know that accusing popstars of ripping off each other's songs leads down a dangerous, slippery slope that even the U.S. legal system dares not tread because halfway to an out-of-court settlement, you realize that there are only so many three chord combinations possible. But really, "It's Alright, It's Okay" sounds like "So What" 's baby sister that tries to replicate her cool older sister's wardrobe with clothes from Club Libby Lu. The result? A toothless yet thrashing girl-powered ode to not needing a man... that utterly lacks conviction.

The song is fun enough to dominate the Radio Disney charts until the Jonas Brothers' new album comes out (oops, too late), but it's still now as good as the best songs from Ashley's last album, to pop gem - okay, that's overstating it; more like sugar crystal - "He Said She Said" and the hilarious piece of ironic social commentary "Not Like That." (excerpt from lyrics: "I'm a normal girl like you who hates clubbing because all those plebes are so effing jealous of my fabulousness")(excerpt may have been paraphrased). I love that song. It's the most danceable piece of ironic social commentary after Millionaires' "Hey Rich Boy" (excerpt from lyrics: Boys if you want girls like me, flash that cash where we can see. You think I want that ice cold money - well, hell yeah, it's fucking yummy!) and Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" (excerpt from lyrics: "I am soooo wasted. Date rape me, Colby!")(Lady Gaga lyrics paraphrased. Millionaires lyrics unaltered.)(No, really, look them up...)(Told you so.)

I'd say Ashley Tisdale's post-High School Musical future is looking even dimmer than Vanessa Hudgens', whose upcoming movie Bandslam looks about as good as any movie whose working title was Rock On! can be expected to look. But hopefully, both these girls' careers will last longer than the cutoff-jeans-with-dangling-pockets look will. Hopefully that look ended, like, right after Ashley's performance.

You can watch the performance and chat with a Good Morning America guy here, at least until ABC catches on to the fact that the person who posted the video probably doesn't own the copyrights to it.

Your Dream Spring 2009 Concert Schedule

Well boys and girls, it's that magical time of year again. That time in the dead of winter when people start opening their hearts and their wallets, when kids get down on their knees and beg their parents to give them what they want, when parents start freaking out about what exactly it is their kids want... Yes, it's the time when bands announce their spring tours.

This weekend is a great time to buy tickets (Quick! Fall Out Boy tickets have been on sale for over 5 hours!!!!), so I've decided to try to give you the best possible list of acts coming to the DC area over the next 4 months (sorry, rest of the world, I can't do everything...)

Now, coaches always say it's important to stay in shape during the off-season, so I think everyone should take their advice and practice their best moves at the Millionaires concert at Rock n Roll Hotel on Thursday, February 5th. My newest favorite pop act Cash Cash will be opening for the girls, along with I Set My Friends on Fire and Watchout! There's Ghosts. I think this show might actually be considered a comedy performance rather than music; those Millionaires girls are always laughable. And with a name like the Just Got Paid, Let's Get's Laid Tour, you KNOW it's gonna be a party.

[I will spend the night listening to my Cash Cash CD and crying my eyes out because my parents won't let me out on school nights (plus it's called the Just Got Paid, Let's Get's Laid Tour), so if you attend, please try your hardest to meet the guys from Cash Cash and tell them Meredith thinks they're the coolest kids ever and would like to ask for all of their hands in marriage; they can play rock-paper-scissors or whatever to decide who gets her.]

And for those of us who need a winter pick-me-up that's not on a weeknight, Ludo will be at Rock n Roll Hotel on Friday, February 20th. I've never actually bothered to listen to any of their music, but I've heard good things about their set when they toured with Relient K last year.

Another Friday night option is Ben Folds, performing at George Washington University on Friday the 13th of February (a good alternative for those of us who don't think we can stomach Valentine's Day weekend's gooey rom-coms/crazy gory Friday-the-13th slasher flicks). I'm having trouble finding specific ticket info - the show isn't listed on his official site - but I saw it on Eventful...

Ben will also be playing at Ram's Head Live! in Baltimore on the 12th, if there are any hardcore piano rock fans who want to see him twice.

All you hipsters had better mark your calendars for The Ting Tings' show at the 9:30 Club on Friday, March 20th. Or maybe you hipsters will sneer about how you already caught them there in July when they were, like, still cool in an unknown kinda way.
But my friend and I will still be in attendance, hoping to squash the stereotype that no one dances at cool DC indie shows. Because kids who are too cool to dance aren't cool at all.

The real hipsters might be holding out for Cut Copy, coming to the 9:30 Club just 3 days after the Ting Tings (that's Monday, March 23rd, for you non-math whizzes). Matt and Kim will be performing that night as well. Never heard of them before, but their name brings to mind a certain NBC Thursday night sitcom...

After all these indie shows, I'd advise you to take a dip in the mainstream, just to make sure you can remember what Top 40 sounds like. And where better to find mainstream Top 40 pop than at a Britney Spears or Pussycat Dolls concert? You Britney fans are in luck because The Circus Starring Britney Spears 2009 North American Tour is hitting the Verizon Center on Tuesday, March 24th. [I guess the Pussycat Dolls are just a sideshow act?] iLike sent me an email saying tix are still available! (I was tempted to reply with a little WTF??!)

If Britney tix are a bit out of your price range, you could always see new Top 40 dance darling Lady Gaga at 9:30 Club on Thursday, April 2nd. No, wait, actually, you couldn't. Her show's already sold out.

Similarly, if you're going to see Katy Perry at the 9:30 Club on Friday, April 10th, you probably already knew she was coming. Hopefully you did, since all the tickets for that show sold out about 5 seconds after they went on sale. Or at least in the same weekend. 5 seconds, 48 hours, same diff for us soft-core Katy fans.

For those of you hoping for a bit more of a rock show (just a bit), I've said it before and I'll say it again: Craig Owens of Chiodos, Ace Enders, The Color Fred, and VersaEmerge will be at Ottobar in Baltimore on Thursday, April 9th. It's not quite as hot as the Katy tickets, but it's been pretty buzzed-about.

I've also already mentioned NeverShoutNever!'s two upcoming shows, one in West Springfield, VA, the other in Towson. I'd check it out in my previous posts if I were you. [Then I'd wonder if I just used "my" correctly since I said I'd do it if I were you, and they're not your posts...]

I think this Dream Concert Schedule is getting nightmare-ishly long, so I'll close it (for now) with what may be the hottest concert here: the Believers Never Die Part Deux tour, featuring Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, Metro Station, and Hey Monday! It'll be taking the Merriweather Post Pavilion by storm on Saturday, April 25th. Since I'm not too fond of FOB, I'm cringing at the $36 ticket price (no cheap-o lawn seats? really?) but it may be worth it to see my fave Gossip Girl fan, Gabe Saporta... or I could just sit in the parking lot hoping he makes good on his kick-it-in-the-parking lot promises in his blog.

Oh, and if you're one of those kids who isn't allowed to go to concerts, don't despair too much... The Jonas Brothers 3D movie (coming at ya February 27th) will give you way better seats than I had when I was on the lawn for their show at the Nissan Pavilion last year :)

Quick! Free Ukelele Tunes!!!!!!!

Well, I think I have proven to be an even more horrible procrastinatron of a blogger than a student, which is the lesser of two evils I suppose, but I doubt I'm going to gain much Internet celebrity by only posting things when there are TWO DAYS for you to get some free songs played on a ukelele, so act now, limited-time offer!!!

My amazing best buddy Christofer Drew of NeverShoutNever, whom I do not know personally but kind of made eye contact with after one of his concerts, has just released a ukelele EP. While this is newsworthy in its own right, it's even more special because from the week of January 20-27th, you can download it for *free*

NSN's MySpace is here, and I strongly advise that you visit it and check out his ah-dorable emo hairdo, btu if you want to get right to the goods, you can download the 3-song EP here.

...And you might wanna get right on that. Since you only have about 53 hours left... Sorry bout that.

BUT, if you're reading this on January 28th and thinking bitch, there is good news! You can still download the EP on iTunes! Which is a good thing to do anyways, because Chris writes some ofof the most adorable tunes I have ever heard, and you really ought to support him.

And speaking of supporting, the reason for these free downloads? You have the option to donate money to Toms, an awesome lil shoe company that donates a pair fo shoes to a child in need for every pair you buy. I thought that was a terrific idea and considered purchasing a sparkly pair, but I wanted to check with my mom first, and she confirmed my suspicion that the design of the shoes is kind of hideous. So I decided that I love the idea and will definitely keep an eye on their future merchandise, but right now, the only pair I'd really want on my feet are the red vegan boots. [The boots are gorgeous, but no way are my parents paying 98 bucks for a pair of vegan boots.]

While we're on the subject of free music, and because I feel bad ending a blog by dissing a pair of shoes made by an incredibly conscientious company, I just discovered a free lil electropop mixtape. I came across it on Mark Maxwell's MySpace (under Band Members on teh left side of the page). It includes a song by one of my fave crazy electropop bands Hyper Crush and Mr. Maxwell himself who, in case you are unfamiliar with him, appears to be the brains behind those deliciously catchy airheads Millionaires. It's weird, but it's free. If you thought NSN's EP was too wussy, here's something that'll really make you... scratch your head and wonder what the hell kind of music I like...